Why I Became a Progressive Democrat

As some of you already know, I am a fairly recent convert to the Democratic Party after many years of being a Republican. I was raised in a conservative family and identified with the GOP from the time I was young, in the same way that a kid grows up being an Eagles fan or Giants fan. As a Republican loyalist, I accepted the tenets of Republican conservatism, without really questioning those beliefs or looking critically at the statements, jokes and attitudes of most Republicans, especially rank-and-file conservatives. It is far easier to adhere to the teachings of one's childhood than to question everything and to seek the truth with a skeptical mind.

I was raised in a very conservative, devout Catholic family and I identified with the Republican Party from a young age. Unfortunately, most of my family members espoused racist and bigoted views, causing me to be far less sensitive to social injustice than I should have been. Adding to my ignorance and cluelessness in my early years was the systemic racism and inequality present at all levels of American society in the late 80's and 90's. From the time I was a little boy, these injustices were ever-present, sometimes seeming right and natural to a certain degree, as horrible as that was.

As I got older, I espoused many theoretical tenets of conservatism, namely smaller government, fewer regulations, lower taxes, opposition to abortion, a discomfort with same-sex marriage, favoring a strong military, etc. These doctrines I accepted at face value and didn't really question until much later in life. In my twenties, I even watched Fox News for a while, believing the "facts" provided by Bill O'Reilly and others that supported my uninformed, twisted world view. This was many years ago, in the 2000s. Despite my conservatism, I did reject my Roman Catholic upbringing, favoring an increasing degree of separation between church and state. I was put off by the fear used by the Roman Catholic Church to gain greater power over society and more control over the political process.

I did have some other liberal sensibilities, though, that increased as I grew older and wiser. I was never a fan of overt bigotry or cruelty, trying to treat people of other races with respect, as equals, and opposing racist jokes and statements by others. Getting along with other people was always important to me, so I avoided unnecessary conflict while trying to understand where people were coming from. I also became much more accepting of LGBT individuals after meeting and befriending some while experiencing the bar scene in my twenties. In 2012 my understanding of man-made climate change evolved after I had an online conversation with AccuWeather meteorologist Brett Anderson, debunking the myth of global warming being a natural cycle, caused by sunspots and solar flares.

Around this time, in 2012/2013, I quickly became very disillusioned by the extremes of the Tea Party and the increasingly abhorrent rhetoric coming from many voices on the right, especially from demagogues like Rush Limbaugh. I voted for Mitt Romney in the 2012 presidential election, but have never voted Republican since. After that election, I began to seriously question the beliefs and rhetoric of traditional American conservatism. By the summer of 2014, I decided that the Republican Party was no longer worthy of my vote or support, and that many Democratic candidates were much better, including now-Governor Tom Wolf, Congressman Matt Cartwright and other local Democratic candidates running in the 2014 mid-term elections.

By Election Day 2014, I identified with the Democratic Party, instead of the GOP. I have always enjoyed visiting urban areas and interacting with people from all walks of life; I, therefore, couldn't understand right-wing bigots who avoided diverse cities like the plague and refused to interact with blacks and Latinos. In early 2015, I finally got around to changing my voter registration from Republican to Independent. I had fully embraced liberalism and identified with the Democratic Party, but I still needed some time to finally register as a Democrat, something that I did in January 2016, in time for Pennsylvania's presidential primary. I supported Hillary Clinton in the April 26th primary, but also came to appreciate the ideas being presented by Bernie Sanders in his first presidential campaign.

There are several key issues that were central to my somewhat sudden ideological shift; these issues have now taken on newfound importance; they are: racial equality, gender equality, environmental protection, world peace, addressing economic inequality, criminal justice reform, health care reform, and the Republican Party's fondness for conspiracy theories and anti-intellectual sentiment. I want to see society as it actually is and learn about history as it actually took place. Conservatives have an overly-positive, idealistic view of American history, whereas liberals acknowledge past wrongdoings. Manifest Destiny was morally reprehensible, as it was used to destroy Native American settlements in the West. This was a continuation of the slaughter than began with Christopher Columbus and his band of armed thugs.

Race doesn't determine our worth as a person. We are all created equal, so we should all be treated with equal respect, given the same opportunities to succeed. The Republican Party has for many decades worked to perpetuate a system of de-facto racial segregation, discrimination and hostility. I grew up in this system of inequality and injustice, largely blind to what was really happening in society, and to how conservatives were largely to blame for it. Once I started paying more attention, I realized that many Republicans didn't share the level of human compassion that I found in my heart for people around me.

As a young conservative in my twenties, I was constantly exposed to media and rhetoric that was sexist, though largely subtle - at least until I got to be older - forcing me to come to terms with many things being said about women. I came to believe that conservatives really were waging a "war on women." This trend, of course, was greatly accelerated after my political conversion, when the Republican electorate soundly rejected the influx of newer, more diverse voices within the party, in favor of an older, aggressive, loud-mouthed bigot.

The environment has been ravaged and largely destroyed by mankind. I grew up believing that the environmental movement was entirely composed of lies and liberal propaganda, but eventually came to learn that we are stewards of the earth and that it is legitimately under assault, and needs protection. We are suffering from rapid, destructive, man-made climate change, as well as many forms of air and water pollution, driving animal species to extinction and wiping out the rainforests. Prominent Republicans have really known this for years, but continue to ignore this because they favor the wealthy, powerful elites, such as executives of ExxonMobil, who are responsible for raping the earth.

I started out favoring the Iraq War in 2003, but came to question it around 2005, as it turned into a quagmire. I completely turned against the war in the Obama years, as I could see what a waste it had been. The war cost 4,500 American lives and took a major financial toll. A large, aggressive military is a massive drain on America’s finances, in stark contrast to conservatives’ focus on fiscal discipline and balancing the federal budget. This is just one example of conservative hypocrisy. The cocky foreign policy of the neo-cons and other Republicans has also greatly hurt America’s prestige abroad. If our government is to spend taxpayers’ dollars, it should spend it to help people, rather than to harm them.

I read a lot of books and magazine about economic inequality in the early 2010s, facilitating my political metamorphosis. I took out a college-level sociology book from the Bethlehem Area Public Library and read The New York Times and The New Yorker Magazine at area coffee shops. I came to understand that laissez-faire capitalism harmed nearly everyone. I came to realize that the conspiracy theories spread around about President Barack Obama were just that. Obama is indeed a very wise, transformative leader; he learned many valuable lessons about American society during his years of community organizing in Chicago. He himself was the victim of a lot of racism and saw the effects that racism had on members of the African-American community in Chicago. Starting in 2014, I came to view him as a great American president, who used his power and influence to inspire people and improve their lives.

I started high school in 1998, during the era of "zero tolerance," when high school principals called police on students for relatively minor behavioral disturbances and local police forces began arresting people all over the place for minor, non-violent offenses, creating the bloated, but counterproductive, prison-industrial complex that destroyed lives and made communities less safe. We now live in a society where nearly everyone has some sort of criminal record, causing low morale among America's citizens. People are more apt to break the law when their civil liberties aren't respected.

As a Republican, I opposed the Affordable Care Act in President Obama's first term, but came to support it in his second term. Once I became a Democrat, I came to favor a single-payer system, believing that Obamacare was just the first step toward universal healthcare. An immediate overhaul of our nation’s health care system was absolutely necessary, due to rising costs and lack of coverage for many Americans. By 2008, we had a serious health care crisis in this country that needed to be dealt with at once. Obama’s plan isn’t perfect, but it was the best quick fix that could pass Congress without Republican support. In the post-Trump era, Medicare-for-all will be the form of universal health care coverage Americans will have and use, inspired by the policies of Senator Bernie Sanders and Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Once I abandoned conservatism for liberalism, I realized that I had been fed a large number of conspiracy theories over the years, starting with false stories about President Bill Clinton; I now believe that Clinton was one of our best presidents; looking back from 2019, many progressives blame him for not being liberal or progressive enough, but after the conservative thrust of the Reagan-Bush years, governing as a center-left moderate was the best anyone could possibly do in 1993/1994. As I examined conservative culture from afar, I saw unmistakably the anti-intellectual sentiment among rank-and-file Republican voters who viewed the world in black-and-white, instead of in shades of gray; this simplicity made conspiracy theories more believable. They were angered by complexity, being completely comfortable with simplicity. Truth is never simple and I always strive to discover the complexities of modern life.

The candidacy and then presidency of Donald Trump convinced me that I certainly made the right decision by leaving the Republican Party, which I did just in time! Hillary Rodham Clinton was the first Democratic presidential candidate I had ever voted. After the catastrophe of Trump's campaign and electoral college victory, I decided that I would never vote Republican again, as long as I live, for any office that a Republican chooses to run for. I learned around this time that the Right is based entirely on hateful, racist, far-right ideas. Conservatism's official tenets are merely a smokescreen designed to cover up the true purpose of conservative policies and the rightward drift of the GOP.

Since conservatism is based upon bigotry and hatred, the entire Republican Party is, as well, since conservatives took over the Republican Party in the mid-1960s, tapping into the backlash against the Civil Rights Movement. Many of the ultra-conservatives controlling the party's agenda are individuals who have been in place since that time, for 50+ years. Examples include Pat Buchanan and Roger Stone, who began their careers by carrying out the dirty tricks of President Richard Nixon. The Republican Party is now the party of hate, whereas the Democratic Party is the party of progress and understanding. Conservative Republicans oppose “politically correct” speech, which translates into their use of offensive speech, including jokes, that offends Latinos, African-Americans and women. People on the Right don't understand the need to respect people whose backgrounds are different from their own, even though these individuals are also trying to achieve the American dream.

Conservatism is based upon emotion, rather than logic. It is reactionary, nasty and irrational. It's tenets work as a smokescreen for nearly every form of bigotry, which have been stoked by right-wing American demagogues since the days of Father Charles Coughlin in the 1930s. It is a 90-year tradition of hatred, cruelty and ignorance. It is unbridled aggression, which threatens the very foundations of American society. Liberalism, instead, is built upon the success of the Renaissance and the Enlightenment; it is from this liberalism that progressivism flows. We as human beings can always work to better our lot in life, instead of returning to the violence and oppression of the Dark Ages.

Now, at this point in my life, I like to learn more about the history of modern conservatism. It has a dark, disturbing history that needs exploring, if one is to properly understand the core of conservative Republican thought. As it turns out, conservative thought is flimsy at best: Obama and the Democrats are well-educated and extremely intelligent while conservative Republicans tend to be much less educated and intelligent. They are often bumbling and inarticulate, while believing all kinds of conspiracy theories, especially related to their irrational fear of communism, the Clintons and their unfounded belief in white supremacy; Sarah Palin is a prime example. Conservatives are fascinated by the Cold War mentality of the 1950, including the red-baiting of Senator Joe McCarthy.

Liberals and progressives I now admire include Barack Obama, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Cory Booker and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I believe that both liberals and progressives can work together within the Democratic Party for creative policies and more effective government. It is moderate and conservative Democrats that have to be replaced by liberals or progressives. Progressive candidates in Democratic primaries can target older, more conservative leaders who owe their fortunes and political offices to corrupt, well-entrenched political machines.

I now favor Medicare for all, free tuition for students at public colleges and universities, the Green New Deal and efforts to achieve much greater economic equality. I agree that progressive solutions will benefit those of us now in our 20s and 30s, but that we should also heed the advice and learn from the experiences of liberal luminaries now in their sixties and seventies. This is why I often enjoy watching The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell; he is a 67-year-old man who is wise, enlightened and up on the world as it works today. For decades, we have had an evil order, but now is the time to overthrow that order and set up a new order that will work for all of us!

  

Any social and political revolution mirrors my personal revolution and philosophical pivot. It has been a wild, incredible journey, but I am very happy that I made the leap of faith when focusing on what I really believed and why. We all need to examine our beliefs and emotions with a critical eye, keeping in mind that no belief system or emotional pattern is worthwhile if it doesn't lift up the rest of society and make life better for all of us. When life is truly primal and cut-throat, life becomes unbearable; but when we work together to keep modern civilization intact, we all benefit tremendously, gaining a new world that is just and livable.

2:37 A.M.: Time for Trouble

They say that nothing good happens after midnight. This is partially true, although many of our most fun, meaningful social interactions take place then. At no time is this truer than at 2:37 A.M., just after the bars close, when the magic happens or the shit goes down! It is at that time when the alcohols or drugs have the greatest effect on the body, or we suffer a nighttime awakening, distracted by our responsibilities and worries. It is a pivotal moment in the night, as many of us can relate.

A number of dramatic events, both good and bad, often happen at this time. Such occurrences include sexual liaisons (sometimes leading to unplanned pregnancies), porn viewing, 420, wild house parties, interesting after-parties, arrests by the police, drug raids, philosophical thinking, feeding one's baby, or receiving calls about a dying parent. The opportunities and pitfalls are endless, depending on the lifestyle, responsibilities or personal appetites of the person. You can make 2:37 a.m. anything you want it to be.

The main thing that happens at this time of night is sex. As expected, the most mind-blowing sex takes place among college students, young adults, and swingers. Lustful people party in hot tubs, swingers' clubs and private parties. Married couples may indulge in such activities to avoid the emotional and legal fallout of traditional adulterous liaisons. In keeping with the time honored tradition, college students and twenty-somethings will hook up with other kids at local bars. Of course, unplanned pregnancies often begin at this time; you always have the guy who really doesn't want to wear a condom or the woman with the mysteriously malfunctioning birth control pill. For these reasons, drunken sex is not always the best sex.

For lonely men, the middle of the night will turn them into those desperate men whacking off to porn. A man will oddly find himself naked in front of his home computer, sometimes while his wife or girlfriend is asleep! If the guy is drunk enough, dick pics may unfortunately be sent, to the discomfort of all! For both men and women, lame story lines will matter less, the alcohol will do its job, and people will pine for the days of old when the debauchery of 48 Hours Video was all that they needed!

Another form of bonding that can be non-sexual is 420. In fact, 2:37 a.m. is 4:20 for any person no longer in high school. Most often, of course, pot smokers will be seen sneaking off to a secluded location. Some marijuana users will instead smoke inside a duplex, row home or condo, so that all their neighbors are awakened by the smell. A person smoking a blunt does not equal a Breaking Bad-style drug den, although tokers should take landlords, roommates and neighbors into consideration when choosing a venue for consuming weed.

Wild house parties are still going strong at 2:37 a.m., especially for the younger crowd in their late teens or twenties. Crackdowns on underage drinking and concern for "public safety" are excuses given for raids on these recreational gatherings of friends. When such parties are not busted, party-goers will see friends puking in the bushes, sleeping next to the toilet or lying naked on their host's beat-up old sofa. This is where stories are created that get shared throughout the person's life.

For other thrill-seekers, there are some interesting after-parties that take place in hookah lounges, private social clubs and studio apartments. In the Lehigh Valley, hookah lounges have popped up all over the place in recent years, being way more popular now than when I was 25. It is a trend that I heartily approve of, because it gives an exotic, mysterious flair to the night, leading to interesting stories and even more intriguing companions. Private social clubs are basically hookah lounges for thirty-somethings, and studio apartments are early-morning crashing pads for the nearly comatose bodies lying side by side on the carpeted floor. The most dedicated party animals will make use of the numerous after-parties popping up at this time.

Unfortunately, 2:37 a.m. is the time of night when many get arrested by the police, with devastating consequences. Private citizens get arrested for misdemeanors such as DUI, public drunkenness, simple assault or criminal trespassing. While watching the show COPS, I noticed that several arrests occurred at exactly 2:37 a.m.; that is how I stumbled upon the importance of that time. Once arrests are made, lawyers are called by desperate clients already tired of their prison cells. Delinquent teenagers will make their "one call" to parents from the local police station. This is the call that many parents dread, but which is all too common, even for some of you readers who are parents.

Drug raids also go down in the predawn hours of the morning. This may immediately follow snitches selling out their former friends or compatriots. The whole neighborhood is unfortunately awakened and disturbed by all the police activity. This is when S.W.A.T. teams get out the heavy artillery, as if they are elite military units raiding an ISIS stronghold in the Middle East. The result is that young children are manhandled by the police and their partially-clad parents are paraded out in front of curious neighbors kept up by all the racket. Once I knew a cab driver who was subjected to such a raid. In my 20s, this cab driver who would sometimes pick me up from the bar; one night, I was walking home from OBT and saw his place getting raided at 3:00 a.m. on Easter Sunday. Somebody was working for their holiday bonuses!

For those of us no longer into partying or sexual licentiousness, we may be kept awake by some deep, philosophical thoughts that follow our nighttime awakenings. That is the reason for the comical Facebook page known as 3 AM Thoughts. We open our books, surf the Internet, even socialize on social media platforms, eliminating the possibility of further sleep. We can, though, maximize the productivity of this period by writing down our deepest, most profound musings and by keeping a dream journal at our beds. These things can be used to create some funny memes in the light of day.

Many new parents may be busy taking care of their babies at 2:37 a.m., feeding the little urchins when they yell, scream and poop all over the place. This is a challenge facing all new parents; it makes them want to pull their hair out! Years later, however, when looking back, nearly all parents cherish this time spent with their precious infants. They will repeat to their adult children ad nauseam the stories of caring for them as infants, as the family is gathered for their birthday celebration each year. Despite being redundant, we all come to greatly value these bonding experiences with our aging parents.

Life goes fast, until many loved ones are no longer with us. One of the more heartbreaking things we fear about the wee hours is the dreaded phone call about a dying parent. Many of us in our 30s have gone through this recently with our grandparents, and now dread going through this with our parents, as our Baby Boomer parents are mostly retired and increasingly show signs of aging. It is best to enjoy our lives as much as possible each day, because life is so painfully short.

While trouble may come of this time of night, it can also be very good, as the earthly pleasures attainable at 2:37 a.m. make life worthwhile. The pleasures of this life more than compensate for the sufferings we have to endure. For this reason, I have chosen Hieronymus Bosch's The Garden of Earthly Delights as my cover photo for my Facebook profile page; our lives at 2:37 a.m. definitely fit the lighthearted, hedonistic spirit of this masterpiece. To some extent, Bacchus and Venus are deities that we all worship.

A little responsibility will make late nights worthwhile for any of us. This time of night can obviously be better for young adults if they plan ahead for such adventures; they can call Uber, stay with a friend or avoid companions who cannot avoid legal trouble. In life we all have to take risks in order to gain rewards; it just makes sense to minimize the risks in order to justify those rewards. We can all lead happy, exciting, well-balanced lives.

The Undisputed King of Funny

Most of us have TV shows that we enjoy, from many different genres. We have go-to shows for our various moods; sit-coms often make us feel good when we need it most. For me, The King of Queens is easily my favorite sit-com, a frequent source of entertainment for me, as I own the first 5 seasons of the show on DVD and can watch it whenever I want. Owning seasons of a TV show gives you a special connection with that TV series, as you feel like you own a part of it, watching the episodes in chronological order. This helps give depth to the characters and makes you understand them better, seeing the evolution of their backstory.

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The King of Queens is centered around a thirty-something, blue-collar couple from a middle-class neighborhood of Queens, New York. The husband, Doug Heffernan, is a delivery truck driver who enjoys overeating, watching sports and palling around with his quirky friends and acquaintances. He is a down-to-earth former jock who shies away from anything intellectual, cultural or boring. His wife, Carrie, by contrast, is a paralegal in an upscale Manhattan law firm. Despite being from a lower-class dysfunctional family, Carrie constantly strives to fit in with other white-collar professionals, including the attorneys whom she works for. These conflicting priorities of husband and wife lead to many funny exchanges, fueled by Doug's simple, blue-collar humor and Carrie's brazen sarcasm.

Kevin James' pointedly effective sense of humor and Leah Remini's chemistry with him instantly made the show a hit with me. The supporting characters - Jerry Stiller, Patton Oswalt, Victor Williams, Larry Romano and Gary Valentine - added very much to the cleverly funny, emotionally warm episodes created by the combination of James and Remini. The cast and familiar sets formed the basis of a warm, comfortable family atmosphere that made the characters likeable and, therefore, more funny.

TBS

The show was so successful that it appealed way beyond its blue-collar, working-class base. The humor created at Carrie's workplace - a high-end Manhattan law firm located in the Chrysler Building - draw in many white-collar viewers and intellectuals, who are also won over by James' pleasant excess of personality and gut-level humor. Kevin James presents comedic material that is based on everyday experiences, relatable to common people of all social classes and occupations.

The show aired between 1998 and 2007, reminding me of my high school and college years when I watch it; I started high school in 1998 and got my associate's degree from NCC in 2007. As the seasons progress, the social historian in me can see how life and culture has changed for everyday Americans ("common men and women") during the aforementioned period of time. The King of Queens takes you from dial-up Internet and the Dot-Com Boom to the tumultuous, but technologically advanced end of the 2000s.

Wikipedia

I first encountered King of Queens when I was employed as housekeeper at Lehigh Valley Hospital-Muhlenberg in 2012/2013. I watched re-runs of the show that were broadcast on TBS at the time, immediately preceding half-hour blocks of Seinfeld and The Big Bang Theory. King of Queens quickly became my favorite of these three shows, despite the fact that I am not a working-class, blue-collar guy. It is comfort food for the brain, as very little thought is required to follow it. This sit-com also comforted me during some difficult, stressful times that I've gone through in recent years, making daily life tolerable and happier. It is therapeutic for me.

When I am going through a stressful time in my life or have a bad day, I soothe my foul mood by treating myself to the comedic genius of Kevin James, who never ceases to invent new ways to make me laugh, often a full-throated laugh that starts in my belly and shakes me to the core, while I tear up. This precedes a mellow, happy feeling that chases away any feelings of melancholy, stress or depression. My late Italian grandmother, also a fan of the show, used to say that when a person is going through a rough time, they should "put a comedy on;" there is much truth in this!

Good comedy helps relax my mind and get me in the proper frame of mind for deep sleep. It's better than watching a horror movie right before bed, especially with the vivid nightmares I am noted for! Dreams are the dominion of the subconscious mind, but good comedy gives you mastery over it. When you are anxious and worried, it can be very hard to fall asleep, but sleeping is easy when you are relaxed and content. Viewing and consuming uplifting media puts us in such a state. Sit-coms such as The King of Queens fill this role.

You can check it out on Netflix or rent a few seasons from your public library, if it's available. I recommend giving it a try, even if sit-coms are not usually your thing. You may be pleasantly surprised! It is often fun to watch several episodes at a time, since they are only 30 minutes long and always leave you wanting more. The King of Queens will entertain you, relax you and satisfy you!

Hoarders, Collectors and Useless Junk

We as a society collect an excess of useless treasures and other junk. We are like the squirrels in this way; just as they collect too many acorns, we hold onto things we never use. Interestingly, squirrels do lose a great number of the acorns that they hide away in the autumn! The media and society's institutions encourage such reckless stashing. For example, the Home Shopping Network (HSN) and QVC, yard sales, discount stores and other sources of useless junk are always there to tempt those with this weakness. 

Many of us collect too much junk or hold onto it because we are fulfilling an emotional need. This is similar to unmet emotional needs that cause people to overeat or drink too much. For this reason, I hold onto old notebooks dating back 20 years, filled with useless trivia that I've copied from the Internet. Laziness is a co-conspirator in this attack of clutter and garbage. Depression or boredom can lead us to accumulate too much stuff, as can ADHD, as sufferers of the latter disease go from one unfinished project to another. Regaining self-discipline is the path to recovery and self-satisfaction.

Under the guise of practicality, many of us keep objects because we feel we'll need them someday. We don't want to have to quickly buy something when we're in a pinch, or to borrow items from friends. It is a primal urge that goes back to our distant human ancestors, the hunter-gatherers. These earliest human beings dealt dangerously with varying and unpredictable food supplies and furs for clothing, so a surplus of anything seemed like a windfall. Unfortunately, though, we are not evolutionarily adapted to our modern world of relative affluence. Human evolution, through natural selection, takes place very slowly over thousands of years.

Most of us junk collectors have only a minor flaw that doesn't cause too much stress. For some people, however, this desire to acquire things grows into full-fledged hoarding, which is a classic symptom of OCD (I am not a hoarder, however). Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a genetically inherited lifelong disorder that can wreak havoc in that person's life. It is a defect in the brain's normal operation that causes the person to feel irrational urges to engage in a useless, self-destructive behavior that they find extremely unpleasant. They know that what they are doing (called compulsions) doesn't make sense, but they perform their compulsions (including hoarding) to chase away the equally unpleasant feelings that arise when they fail to do them. This disorder is highly treatable, but the therapy involved takes tremendous time and effort, after years or decades of intense, unrelenting suffering.

For hoarders who are afflicted most severely, every square inch of their homes may be filled with rubbish, including animal feces and urine, along with rotting food. The smell and extremely unsightly appearance of their homes isolates the hoarders from well-meaning friends and family, making the situation worse over time. In my life, I once knew a woman with a serious hoarding problem. Her entire van was filled with newspapers and rotting food, unsurprisingly causing her friends to avoid getting a ride from her. It was awful, as many of you are aware of from the show Hoarders.

The book Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffrey M. Schwartz, MD explores the extreme and bizarre case of "Karen, a homemaker and former dental assistant in her early 50s. Karen was a hoarder whose problems began early in her marriage, when she and her husband would haunt yard sales. In time, every room in their house was crammed so full of junk that it was impossible to open the doors." She had rubbish in the bathtub and on the stove. "Only a narrow path was navigable through the living room, between trash bags and boxes stuffed to overflowing. With their sixteen cats and four dogs sometimes relieving themselves behind those piles of trash, the stench became gagging."

"Karen recalled, 'We were too embarrassed to invite anyone in.' There was no heat in the house because they were afraid that they would start a fire if they lit the pilot on the floor furnace. Appliances would break down, but Karen and her husband, Rob, couldn't get them fixed because they were terrified that a repairman might report them to the health department. They shuttered the bottoms of their windows and let the shrubs grow so no one could peek inside.' They had created their own hell, just as many with this disease create for themselves. Eventually they got psychological treatment, which enabled them to reclaim their lives and become socially active." Even ordinary people with minor stashes can take inspiration from this and lead happier, healthier lives.

Yes, even the average person collects too much junk and is too slow to get rid of their possessions, no matter how useless or trivial. Junk we don't get rid of includes batteries; remote controls; old video games; broken TVs; and cars and appliances that are not in working order. We are often lazy and simply adapt to our clutter, not realizing that it is still unhealthy, because it is aesthetically unpleasing and may affect our moods, making our lives more stressful.

Hobbyists are often guilty of this as their leisurely pursuits can turn into all-consuming obsessions. They may buy more supplies than they could ever use. When they complete a project, they don't want to throw anything out because they feel they will be able to use something on a future project. They are only fooling themselves! They need to force themselves to give up at least one object after completing a project. They will realistically come to the conclusion that they don't need to live with the excessive clutter. 

Many, if not most of us, have junked up garages, attics, basements and alcoves. A great many people can't use their garages because they are so filled with junk. We have all this valuable space wasted that could be put to much better use, such as actually parking our cars, storing heirlooms, watching TV or surfing the net. Another aspect of collecting involves bibliophiles like me. We have crumbly old books all over our homes or apartments that we will never peruse again. We nerds should discard such books!

Removing clutter and improving our lives is a decision, one that involves a significant degree of self-motivation. We must start by self-reflecting and making an honest assessment of our situation, while also looking inward to solve our emotional dilemmas. If necessary, we must have a heart-to-heart talk with a caring friend or family member. This will give us the needed kick in the pants to motivate us to clean out our homes, create a healthy physical environment and lead healthy, fun, meaningful lives.

Our Private Struggles and the Will to Overcome

Surviving and thriving is always accompanied by pain and suffering, even when our personal pain is invisible to other people. Every one of us has intense problems and struggles that we cope with, seemingly making life miserable and, at times, unbearable. I myself have had my share of hurdles to overcome, a few of which I am still working on. In our struggle there is never-ending frustration. We may feel like we make one step forward with one problem, while at the same time falling two steps behind with two or three other problems. This intense frustration can lead to despair, which is the worst emotional state of all.

  

Due to the demands of human society, we usually we keep our troubles to ourselves, to avoid depressing ourselves or the people around us. People don't know why we are sad, quiet or irritable, but our sour mood pushes them away, isolating us at the time we may need other people the most. They say, "laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry, and you cry alone." Social failure also makes us feel weak and emasculated, like we are pathetic, incompetent human beings.

Sometimes these problems spill out in unexpected ways. We snap at the ones we love, self-medicate with addictive or destructive behavior, or have trouble sleeping. These reactions create new sets of problems. If the core problem is not addressed it will grow and attach itself to life's new problems. To compensate for this slippery slope, we must exert the sheer force of our wills to think positively and to engage in wholesome, constructive behaviors that lift us up and make us feel better.

Some common problems that people face are addiction, domestic violence, mental health issues or cancer. Such personal catastrophes often define us, drag us down, but also give us opportunities to grow. They also give society the crucial task of providing necessary tools to fight these issues, whether it be drug rehabilitation centers, shelters for abused women and children, mental health clinics in depressed urban areas or cancer treatment centers with financing options for folks of modest means. For each one of us it is usually something; very few people are without any major struggle or disability.

Addiction as we all know afflicts a great number of people, both in the United States and around the world. The things that we are addicted to could be alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping/spending, or eating. Alcohol addiction has been a scourge on mankind since ancient times, while drug abuse is a fairly new phenomenon affecting modern society. The opioid epidemic is wrecking havoc throughout rural America, as well as in many communities of artists, musicians and thrill-seeking young adults. Addiction enslaves the person and makes him or her unable to develop their true, loving, achieving selves.

Like addiction, it is hard for many women and children to escape the clutches of domestic violence. Unfortunately, there are huge numbers of victims throughout the world. Too many men give themselves over to violence and aggression, behaving in the fashion of invading medieval soldiers instead of civilized men of the world. These men are out of control and unable to be reasoned with. Fear of further assaults or even death at the hands of one's abuser is often the worst part of the abuse. People close to the battered woman can see a few signs of this, but the woman usually keeps it to herself in order to avoid very serious repercussions.

More secret and often hidden, but no less prevalent, is the scourge of mental illness which causes large numbers of people to suffer in silence, including myself. We feel trapped by our own brains and lose much of the energy required to live a fulfilling life. Many of you may suffer from depression, bipolar disorder or severe anxiety. These disorders can affect people we would never suspect. They can hide in plain view, leaving everyone guessing as to their peculiar habits or behaviors. Once a person's mental health issues are visible, they are often quite severe, requiring the immediate assistance of friends or loved ones.

Last, but not least is the beast that is cancer. In addition to the disease itself, there is the arduous process of chemotherapy, testing, hospitalization and extreme financial problems brought on by hyper-inflated medical bills that often go into collections, maybe even causing patients to lose their homes. No wonder there was tremendous appeal for a show such as Breaking Bad, which I greatly enjoyed watching on DVDs rented from the Bethlehem Area Public Library. The show brought to public attention the issue of how the health care industry mistreats and neglects a great number of cancer patients.

Despair is what makes people give up on themselves, forcing them to live in a never-ending downward spiral of self-destruction. Despair is a danger to people, because it can prevent them from living like a normal human being or can even make them suicidal, worrying and upsetting friends, family members and romantic partners. Unfortunately, people in that individual's life may judge them for giving up, but in reality each one of us could get to that point if circumstances in our life push us to the breaking point. We all have have our limits and each one of us sometimes responds inappropriately to life's problems, setbacks or disappointments.

As previously mentioned and frequently alluded to in previous blog posts, I am faced with a lifelong struggle against mental illness, which includes three disorders: Asperger's Syndrome, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and depression. My mental problems are largely genetically inherited and have greatly held me back socially and occupationally. At this point in my life, I am taking stock of my situation and am finding ways to compensate for my deficiencies. For example, blogging is a productive and meaningful form of self-medication, one that is healthy.

Many people, however, do self-medicate in ways that are quite self-destructive. I myself have been guilty of this from time to time, using alcohol or food or sleep to cope with my emotional difficulties. For example, you may know a recently divorced man who abuses alcohol to chase away the feelings of loss and uselessness, or the woman who suffers from depression so acute that she cuts herself off from well-meaning friends and loved ones. Often self-medicating can be a subconscious form of self-punishment. Self-punishment needs to be replaced with self-love!

When we are at our lowest, we have to remember that we are not alone in experiencing difficulty and that there is always hope as long as we draw breath.  It is never too late to change; a troubled past does not preclude a happy, meaningful future. Don't focus on the years you've lived, but on the years you have yet to live. We will always have troubles, but with a positive attitude, we will have fewer difficulties and will deal with them much more effectively, limiting their extent and creating a bright, happy future!

As we struggle for self-improvement we will often have setbacks, but we must stand up, get a grip and move forward once again. It is said that a good person falls seven times a day, and this is true. The key is to avoid beating ourselves up when we fall and to think instead about how we can avoid such failures in the future. For example, we can replace overeating or sleeping with comedy shows, enlightening reads or time on social media with friends. Social interaction lifts many people out of their funk.

Once we regain hope, we can make plans for getting out of the rut that we find ourselves in, but only once we decide to motivate ourselves to do what we know we need to. Thinking is not enough, we must get out of bed or off the couch and start MOVING.  Things such as a walk around the block or a few pushups could increase our energy levels and thereby make us much more productive, further improving our mood and outlook on life. Physical exercise is a powerful tonic to treat mental illnesses such as depression.

Despite the fact that we all have issues, each problem incurs a social stigma on every one of us. This makes us feel alone, helpless and maligned. The best way out of this is to draw inward, being the sole advocate for our own happiness and emotional well-being. I like to say, "each person is responsible for his or her own happiness." We need to aptly ignore the judgments of those around us, and to accept and love ourselves; we are the only ones who know ourselves and our situations. It makes no sense to judge everyone else for their problems, while we ourselves have problems, even if our afflictions or weaknesses are different. We all suffer differently, just as we sin differently!

We can try to better understand those around us going through issues, instead of quickly judging them and dismissing them as weak, evil or pathetic. When we take the time to actually listen to someone going through a serious problem, we help ourselves as well as that other person. We help them by giving encouragement and keeping their hopes alive, while we benefit by gaining a close and loyal friend. We come to understand that suffering, along with death, is the one thing common to all humanity. We become a socially aware man or woman of the world.