Hoarders, Collectors and Useless Junk

We as a society collect an excess of useless treasures and other junk. We are like the squirrels in this way; just as they collect too many acorns, we hold onto things we never use. Interestingly, squirrels do lose a great number of the acorns that they hide away in the autumn! The media and society's institutions encourage such reckless stashing. For example, the Home Shopping Network (HSN) and QVC, yard sales, discount stores and other sources of useless junk are always there to tempt those with this weakness. 

Many of us collect too much junk or hold onto it because we are fulfilling an emotional need. This is similar to unmet emotional needs that cause people to overeat or drink too much. For this reason, I hold onto old notebooks dating back 20 years, filled with useless trivia that I've copied from the Internet. Laziness is a co-conspirator in this attack of clutter and garbage. Depression or boredom can lead us to accumulate too much stuff, as can ADHD, as sufferers of the latter disease go from one unfinished project to another. Regaining self-discipline is the path to recovery and self-satisfaction.

Under the guise of practicality, many of us keep objects because we feel we'll need them someday. We don't want to have to quickly buy something when we're in a pinch, or to borrow items from friends. It is a primal urge that goes back to our distant human ancestors, the hunter-gatherers. These earliest human beings dealt dangerously with varying and unpredictable food supplies and furs for clothing, so a surplus of anything seemed like a windfall. Unfortunately, though, we are not evolutionarily adapted to our modern world of relative affluence. Human evolution, through natural selection, takes place very slowly over thousands of years.

Most of us junk collectors have only a minor flaw that doesn't cause too much stress. For some people, however, this desire to acquire things grows into full-fledged hoarding, which is a classic symptom of OCD (I am not a hoarder, however). Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a genetically inherited lifelong disorder that can wreak havoc in that person's life. It is a defect in the brain's normal operation that causes the person to feel irrational urges to engage in a useless, self-destructive behavior that they find extremely unpleasant. They know that what they are doing (called compulsions) doesn't make sense, but they perform their compulsions (including hoarding) to chase away the equally unpleasant feelings that arise when they fail to do them. This disorder is highly treatable, but the therapy involved takes tremendous time and effort, after years or decades of intense, unrelenting suffering.

For hoarders who are afflicted most severely, every square inch of their homes may be filled with rubbish, including animal feces and urine, along with rotting food. The smell and extremely unsightly appearance of their homes isolates the hoarders from well-meaning friends and family, making the situation worse over time. In my life, I once knew a woman with a serious hoarding problem. Her entire van was filled with newspapers and rotting food, unsurprisingly causing her friends to avoid getting a ride from her. It was awful, as many of you are aware of from the show Hoarders.

The book Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffrey M. Schwartz, MD explores the extreme and bizarre case of "Karen, a homemaker and former dental assistant in her early 50s. Karen was a hoarder whose problems began early in her marriage, when she and her husband would haunt yard sales. In time, every room in their house was crammed so full of junk that it was impossible to open the doors." She had rubbish in the bathtub and on the stove. "Only a narrow path was navigable through the living room, between trash bags and boxes stuffed to overflowing. With their sixteen cats and four dogs sometimes relieving themselves behind those piles of trash, the stench became gagging."

"Karen recalled, 'We were too embarrassed to invite anyone in.' There was no heat in the house because they were afraid that they would start a fire if they lit the pilot on the floor furnace. Appliances would break down, but Karen and her husband, Rob, couldn't get them fixed because they were terrified that a repairman might report them to the health department. They shuttered the bottoms of their windows and let the shrubs grow so no one could peek inside.' They had created their own hell, just as many with this disease create for themselves. Eventually they got psychological treatment, which enabled them to reclaim their lives and become socially active." Even ordinary people with minor stashes can take inspiration from this and lead happier, healthier lives.

Yes, even the average person collects too much junk and is too slow to get rid of their possessions, no matter how useless or trivial. Junk we don't get rid of includes batteries; remote controls; old video games; broken TVs; and cars and appliances that are not in working order. We are often lazy and simply adapt to our clutter, not realizing that it is still unhealthy, because it is aesthetically unpleasing and may affect our moods, making our lives more stressful.

Hobbyists are often guilty of this as their leisurely pursuits can turn into all-consuming obsessions. They may buy more supplies than they could ever use. When they complete a project, they don't want to throw anything out because they feel they will be able to use something on a future project. They are only fooling themselves! They need to force themselves to give up at least one object after completing a project. They will realistically come to the conclusion that they don't need to live with the excessive clutter. 

Many, if not most of us, have junked up garages, attics, basements and alcoves. A great many people can't use their garages because they are so filled with junk. We have all this valuable space wasted that could be put to much better use, such as actually parking our cars, storing heirlooms, watching TV or surfing the net. Another aspect of collecting involves bibliophiles like me. We have crumbly old books all over our homes or apartments that we will never peruse again. We nerds should discard such books!

Removing clutter and improving our lives is a decision, one that involves a significant degree of self-motivation. We must start by self-reflecting and making an honest assessment of our situation, while also looking inward to solve our emotional dilemmas. If necessary, we must have a heart-to-heart talk with a caring friend or family member. This will give us the needed kick in the pants to motivate us to clean out our homes, create a healthy physical environment and lead healthy, fun, meaningful lives.

Our Private Struggles and the Will to Overcome

Surviving and thriving is always accompanied by pain and suffering, even when our personal pain is invisible to other people. Every one of us has intense problems and struggles that we cope with, seemingly making life miserable and, at times, unbearable. I myself have had my share of hurdles to overcome, a few of which I am still working on. In our struggle there is never-ending frustration. We may feel like we make one step forward with one problem, while at the same time falling two steps behind with two or three other problems. This intense frustration can lead to despair, which is the worst emotional state of all.

  

Due to the demands of human society, we usually we keep our troubles to ourselves, to avoid depressing ourselves or the people around us. People don't know why we are sad, quiet or irritable, but our sour mood pushes them away, isolating us at the time we may need other people the most. They say, "laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry, and you cry alone." Social failure also makes us feel weak and emasculated, like we are pathetic, incompetent human beings.

Sometimes these problems spill out in unexpected ways. We snap at the ones we love, self-medicate with addictive or destructive behavior, or have trouble sleeping. These reactions create new sets of problems. If the core problem is not addressed it will grow and attach itself to life's new problems. To compensate for this slippery slope, we must exert the sheer force of our wills to think positively and to engage in wholesome, constructive behaviors that lift us up and make us feel better.

Some common problems that people face are addiction, domestic violence, mental health issues or cancer. Such personal catastrophes often define us, drag us down, but also give us opportunities to grow. They also give society the crucial task of providing necessary tools to fight these issues, whether it be drug rehabilitation centers, shelters for abused women and children, mental health clinics in depressed urban areas or cancer treatment centers with financing options for folks of modest means. For each one of us it is usually something; very few people are without any major struggle or disability.

Addiction as we all know afflicts a great number of people, both in the United States and around the world. The things that we are addicted to could be alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping/spending, or eating. Alcohol addiction has been a scourge on mankind since ancient times, while drug abuse is a fairly new phenomenon affecting modern society. The opioid epidemic is wrecking havoc throughout rural America, as well as in many communities of artists, musicians and thrill-seeking young adults. Addiction enslaves the person and makes him or her unable to develop their true, loving, achieving selves.

Like addiction, it is hard for many women and children to escape the clutches of domestic violence. Unfortunately, there are huge numbers of victims throughout the world. Too many men give themselves over to violence and aggression, behaving in the fashion of invading medieval soldiers instead of civilized men of the world. These men are out of control and unable to be reasoned with. Fear of further assaults or even death at the hands of one's abuser is often the worst part of the abuse. People close to the battered woman can see a few signs of this, but the woman usually keeps it to herself in order to avoid very serious repercussions.

More secret and often hidden, but no less prevalent, is the scourge of mental illness which causes large numbers of people to suffer in silence, including myself. We feel trapped by our own brains and lose much of the energy required to live a fulfilling life. Many of you may suffer from depression, bipolar disorder or severe anxiety. These disorders can affect people we would never suspect. They can hide in plain view, leaving everyone guessing as to their peculiar habits or behaviors. Once a person's mental health issues are visible, they are often quite severe, requiring the immediate assistance of friends or loved ones.

Last, but not least is the beast that is cancer. In addition to the disease itself, there is the arduous process of chemotherapy, testing, hospitalization and extreme financial problems brought on by hyper-inflated medical bills that often go into collections, maybe even causing patients to lose their homes. No wonder there was tremendous appeal for a show such as Breaking Bad, which I greatly enjoyed watching on DVDs rented from the Bethlehem Area Public Library. The show brought to public attention the issue of how the health care industry mistreats and neglects a great number of cancer patients.

Despair is what makes people give up on themselves, forcing them to live in a never-ending downward spiral of self-destruction. Despair is a danger to people, because it can prevent them from living like a normal human being or can even make them suicidal, worrying and upsetting friends, family members and romantic partners. Unfortunately, people in that individual's life may judge them for giving up, but in reality each one of us could get to that point if circumstances in our life push us to the breaking point. We all have have our limits and each one of us sometimes responds inappropriately to life's problems, setbacks or disappointments.

As previously mentioned and frequently alluded to in previous blog posts, I am faced with a lifelong struggle against mental illness, which includes three disorders: Asperger's Syndrome, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and depression. My mental problems are largely genetically inherited and have greatly held me back socially and occupationally. At this point in my life, I am taking stock of my situation and am finding ways to compensate for my deficiencies. For example, blogging is a productive and meaningful form of self-medication, one that is healthy.

Many people, however, do self-medicate in ways that are quite self-destructive. I myself have been guilty of this from time to time, using alcohol or food or sleep to cope with my emotional difficulties. For example, you may know a recently divorced man who abuses alcohol to chase away the feelings of loss and uselessness, or the woman who suffers from depression so acute that she cuts herself off from well-meaning friends and loved ones. Often self-medicating can be a subconscious form of self-punishment. Self-punishment needs to be replaced with self-love!

When we are at our lowest, we have to remember that we are not alone in experiencing difficulty and that there is always hope as long as we draw breath.  It is never too late to change; a troubled past does not preclude a happy, meaningful future. Don't focus on the years you've lived, but on the years you have yet to live. We will always have troubles, but with a positive attitude, we will have fewer difficulties and will deal with them much more effectively, limiting their extent and creating a bright, happy future!

As we struggle for self-improvement we will often have setbacks, but we must stand up, get a grip and move forward once again. It is said that a good person falls seven times a day, and this is true. The key is to avoid beating ourselves up when we fall and to think instead about how we can avoid such failures in the future. For example, we can replace overeating or sleeping with comedy shows, enlightening reads or time on social media with friends. Social interaction lifts many people out of their funk.

Once we regain hope, we can make plans for getting out of the rut that we find ourselves in, but only once we decide to motivate ourselves to do what we know we need to. Thinking is not enough, we must get out of bed or off the couch and start MOVING.  Things such as a walk around the block or a few pushups could increase our energy levels and thereby make us much more productive, further improving our mood and outlook on life. Physical exercise is a powerful tonic to treat mental illnesses such as depression.

Despite the fact that we all have issues, each problem incurs a social stigma on every one of us. This makes us feel alone, helpless and maligned. The best way out of this is to draw inward, being the sole advocate for our own happiness and emotional well-being. I like to say, "each person is responsible for his or her own happiness." We need to aptly ignore the judgments of those around us, and to accept and love ourselves; we are the only ones who know ourselves and our situations. It makes no sense to judge everyone else for their problems, while we ourselves have problems, even if our afflictions or weaknesses are different. We all suffer differently, just as we sin differently!

We can try to better understand those around us going through issues, instead of quickly judging them and dismissing them as weak, evil or pathetic. When we take the time to actually listen to someone going through a serious problem, we help ourselves as well as that other person. We help them by giving encouragement and keeping their hopes alive, while we benefit by gaining a close and loyal friend. We come to understand that suffering, along with death, is the one thing common to all humanity. We become a socially aware man or woman of the world.

Good, Clean Fun in the Shower

There are things in life common to all of humanity; one such thing is showering. You and I as modern humans spend quite a bit of time in the shower, for our personal hygiene or pleasure. It is one thing, like eating and sleeping, that we all do on a daily basis. Being hygienic is the mark of a civilized person, unlike the dirty, unwashed hordes of Attila the Hun or other barbarian warlords. We don't bathe in local rivers or creeks, but in the privacy of our own homes.

Showering always feels very good. When we are really dirty from a hard day of working outdoors or are all hot and sweated from hot, humid weather, torrents of cool water hitting soapy skin serve to cleanse and refresh us. This experience is followed by the enjoyment of having the air hit our clean bodies, making us feel fresh and rejuvenated for a relaxing evening. Showering chases away depression and sleepiness, putting us in a positive frame of mind for work or college classes.

Our time in the shower is also a time to think, reflect and take stock of our lives. We can think of funny occurrences from our day or make plans for our upcoming staycation. Often, it is a time for gestalting in an artificial thunderstorm, as we analyze our identities and our innermost desires, getting in touch with our true selves. This is truly necessary. It is a cleansing of both mind and body - a positive type of brainwashing!

There is freedom in nudity itself, as we are born naked and need to become one with our bodies, without the burden of clothing. It is both liberating and playful. This may be the only time each day that we are free from this obligation to cover our natural assets. Air and water refresh the skin and make us feel alive. Two of the elements come together for our benefit.

As part of the showering experience, we become more aware of our bodies and comfortable in our own skin, viewing ourselves in full-length mirrors and lathering up our trouble spots. If we notice a lot of extra weight or unsightly flab, we can decide to go on a diet and increase our exercise regimen. We need to love and appreciate our bodies in order to love and appreciate ourselves, giving us confidence to take on the world, to win and be happy.

Since our showers are based on our personal preferences, the water temperature is always to our liking. We may have it piping hot to turn our skin red or ice cold to cool us off during a diabolical heat wave. However, working couples taking efficiency showers together may argue over the water temperature before heading off to their respective jobs. The length of our showers also vary, ranging from a 5-minute "quick shower" to a 45-minute love fest. This, however, may be decided by a person's interest in a lower water bill!

The jets or torrents of water that soak our bodies are fun for us, reminding us of running through a sprinkler as a kid, or frolicking around a water park at any age. This may be our chance to dance, sing and let out our inner man-child or woman-child. The singers may practice new songs in the shower, or simply annoy the hell out of their roommates or family members. Unfortunately, the shower may become a point of contention when a group of people live together.

We may want to enhance the fun of the showering experience by sipping a glass of wine or chugging a beer while having the water, soap and shampoo cleanse our bodies. Candles and music may also create a festive atmosphere to kick off the weekend or to unwind before heading off on a beach trip with a group of friends. In my 20s, I would sometimes shower drunk after a night of partying; those were fun days that I would love to go back to! We all have our funny, interesting shower stories that we love to share.

When lovers shower together, they get to explore each other's bodies, experiencing the beauty and feel of their wet bodies. For many couples, it is reaching the next level in their sexual relationship, one step above the commonality of the bedroom. The space of the shower can be the playground where we have fun and excitement as adults.

Showering is a vital and intimate part of lives that serve as a reflection of who we are and what we want in life. It is an activity that could either be enjoyed alone or shared with others. We maintain our personal hygiene while improving our mental processes and having fun playing around in the water. It connects us to our true, inner selves and to the fun, playful part of our nature, preparing us for another day of personal triumphs, tragedies and bizarre experiences.

Lost Souls, Social Butterflies and the People Who Matter to Us

In our daily lives we usually interact with a lot of interesting people, from every demographic, station in life and personal background, providing challenges but also enriching our lives. What is most important about each person, however, is not their age, race or gender, but their personality. Nowhere is their individuality more evident. In my lifetime I have noted a handful of personality types that we often encounter with family members, friends or business associates. Of course, I recognize and examine my own personality type. I understand that personalities play a critical role in human endeavors and occupations, being the human glue that binds everything together, though it be a glue that sometimes loses its adhesive quality.

As I try my best to be an open-minded and understanding person in life, I don't stereotype based upon race, gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, but I do observe similarities in people with the same personality. It doesn't matter where I am or what activity I'm involved in: this is always true! They have the same strengths, weaknesses and interests that draw them together, but also lead to interpersonal conflicts and problems. Such similarities, based upon personality, exist among workers within particular occupations. All of this may not sound nice, but as humans we need to know what to expect from others in social situations, so that we can avoid harm and maintain social harmony in our day-to-day lives.

When I recognize a person's personality type, I think about how I need to approach that person; after all, no two people are alike. In my life, I frequently come into contact with people who fall into one of six personality categories. They are: the addictive personality, the introvert, the extrovert, the aggressor, the alpha female and the moody person. There are many other personality traits that I am leaving out here, but these six are the ones that I am most familiar with and think you will identify most readily, either in yourselves or the people around you.

Having a touch of an addictive tendency, I notice when other people have addictive personalities. They tend to have very bad nerves, an inability to tolerate boredom and a constant need for stimulation or excitement; often this is a social person who has a lot of friends, also with addictive personalities. The vices of the addictive personality may include compulsive talking, substance abuse, chain-smoking, and overeating. Unfortunately, these people tend to be targeted by the criminal justice system, often facing incarceration. These individuals may have periods of great pleasure and can be fun to be around, but can also destroy their own lives if they aren't careful. Luckily, many addicts turn to the more responsible people around them to help them overcome their habits and vices. People dealing with addictions are often kindhearted individuals who give much love and support in exchange for the help they receive.

As an extrovert, I notice the introverts who don't want to converse and socialize as much as I do. Introverts are often quiet, careful, and agreeable. They have a small circle of close friends that they maintain for many years, as they value quality over quantity. When making decisions, they tend to take their time and look at every angle of each new dilemma. They don't like taking risks and are turned off by the dare devils of society, avoiding risky activities such as base jumping or slack-lining. In their free time, they prefer to relax at home instead of going out with friends to crowded social events. Even with close friends and family members, they only engage in short conversations. Joking and hyperbole are often not their thing and they tend to be more serious. It can be difficult to interact with introverts when you are impulsive or gregarious, but it will be well worth your effort, if you can slow down and relax a little. I have learned this important lesson in recent years.

The extrovert, in contrast, is the person who is everybody's pal, who entertains those around him with his stories and jokes. The extroverted woman or man may be talkative, funny, and entertaining, serving as the life of the party. They often thrive on taking risks, which can lead to success, but their recklessness can also cause serious trouble for them. They usually have a very large circle of friends and acquaintances. Extroverted individuals may be impulsive when making important financial decisions or going to extremes in their social lives, much to the irritation and annoyance of their friends. These persons tend to enjoy lengthy, in-depth conversations, often over a beer or other intoxicating substance. In fact, the extrovert often shares many traits with the addictive personality, often enjoying vices such as drinking, drugs or smoking, just to a lesser degree. In contrast to the introvert, they prefer to go out instead of just staying home, as they require excitement and stimulation. For these above reasons, they are great to have around for a party or social occasion.

In my adult life, I have had many close friends who qualify as alpha females, so I am qualified to identify their characteristics and tendencies. Most importantly, they are protective of their friends and family members, while also being warm and emotionally supportive. They are loyal friends to nerdy guys like me; they help us out in a big way when other people ignore us or ridicule us. They absolutely love being around people and have a lot of friends, often a number of guys. They do have some close female friends, but some women are turned off by the alpha female because they fear being dominated or controlled. When it comes to dating, they know what they want and aren't afraid to state it. The alpha female is a strong woman who has her own interests and is motivated to pursue them.

Unfortunately, we all can identify the moody person, as we have to approach them differently from day to day, as their mood ranges from exuberant to extremely negative. Their outward behavior may be completely dependent on their mood. We all have emotional highs and lows, but these individuals have higher highs and lower lows. They are known for their volatility and are frequently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, though I do believe that this psychological disorder is over-diagnosed by medical professionals seeking to give a label to everything, along with a prescription. What can be scary, though, is when a few moody people have almost no control over their words or actions. They may be impulsive, but also very creative, working as successful artists, musicians or writers.

Finally, the aggressor is the personality type to avoid if at all possible. This person is usually male, either a large, well-muscled man or a small, wiry, insecure man who overcompensates for his size in inappropriate ways. This guy is a sadist who enjoys bullying and intimidating others. Aggressors lack a lot of what is common to most human beings, being entirely focused on winning at all costs; in the extreme they may be dictators or organized crime figures. Friendships and romantic relationships that they have tend to be short and one-sided. They may have a sense of humor, but it is either sick or immature, irking their drinking buddies and romantic partners. Aggressive individuals usually display irritability and may even have Antisocial Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They often become subjected to the criminal justice system due to interpersonal conflicts or abusive behaviors. Fortunately, they do provide us with some of our most interesting stories.

Judging the man in the mirror, I consider myself an extrovert, as I like to interact with and befriend a very large number of people. I am very social and enjoy carrying on conversations with others, including strangers, in person and via social media. I like interacting with those from different backgrounds and stations in life, gaining enlightening new perspectives that help me see the whole complete picture. Sometimes, though, introverted people are annoyed or angered by my excitability and my frequent urge to socialize. Seeking self-control, I even have to tell myself to shut up when I get a little wordy!

Too often in life we see individuals with clashing personalities. We can minimize this conflict by recognizing the personality types of people in our lives, understanding them, and accepting them as they are, tolerating personal differences. It is wise and necessary to know how to deal with each personality type, because they are the people in our lives who matter to us. We have these individuals as bosses, co-workers, family members, friends and romantic partners. By understanding them, we can better please them and avoid upsetting them unnecessarily, creating social harmony and serenity in our lives. Ultimately, we will forge a stronger emotional bond with them.

In groups of friends, regardless of size, extroverts almost always take on a leadership role, especially when it comes to planning social activities and initiating conversations. The introverts in the group tend to stay in the background, but are the rock that others rely upon for emotional stability. They are sorely missed when they depart from a social group. This is the group dynamic for positive, creative groups that make our lives worthwhile. For negative groups, however, the leadership is always assumed by the most aggressive, ruthless individuals, leading to the ruin of all. We unfortunately see this in hate groups and in destructive cults. Charles Manson, the psychopath, gained total control over his delusional followers. I have long thought that group dynamics is a subject of social psychology worth studying.

Personalities are inherited, and we can all see personality types that are passed down in families. This could be either good or very bad. Such was the case with the infamous Jukes family that was a burden to American society for generations. Personality disorders and addictions tend to run in families, to the detriment of society and most importantly to the individuals afflicted. These traits tend to be tied in with problems of domestic abuse and multi-generational poverty. Unfortunately, it is often nearly impossible for these cycles to be broken, forcing many people to be trapped in their dangerous, miserable lives. It is our duty as a society to better understand these social factors and to help people in these situations.

Personalities are often there from birth and they present opportunities as well as problems in life. Looking back on our own lives, we can usually see trends in our thought patterns and behavior that started in childhood and continue in our adult lives, leading to self-understanding. We all can work to overcome our weaknesses, though, as long as we have the will to conquer our personal demons. We will become happier and more productive when we create the best version of ourselves. We can all lift ourselves up instead of wallowing in misery and self-loathing. No matter how old or how miserable we are, there are always opportunities to improve our lives and achieve true happiness.

We often see people with certain types of personalities who gravitate toward certain occupations. For example, extroverts tend to thrive in jobs that require a lot of social interaction, such as car salespeople, real estate agents and servers in restaurants; these are the people who have friends and connections all over the place! Introverts, on the other hand, may want to work at clerical or computer jobs, working alone and thinking alone, occasionally being the reclusive geeks who never leave their homes. Some aggressive individuals may gravitate toward fields that involve the use of physical force, such corrections, law enforcement or professional football; this can lead to some noteworthy scandals that make the front pages of newspapers. This fact of occupational life may be good in many situations, however, as people make friends and form relationships with those they've met at work. Commonality and familiarity lead to deep, lasting emotional bonds.

Extroverts and introverts tend to pair off in romantic relationships, as I've seen often since I was a child. It is normal to have two romantic partners who complement each other, using each other's strengths to counteract their weaknesses, making each other whole and complete. Often, people may clash or cause each other problems if they're too much alike. If two extroverts dated each other, neither person would get anything done, whereas two introverts wouldn't have anything to say to each other! They say that opposites attract, for a reason!

To summarize: a little bit of stereotyping is necessary in life. No two people are exactly alike, so we cannot treat everyone the same, but instead should value the individual for who they are. We have to identify the unique needs and desires of those who cross our paths, so that we can best forge meaningful bonds with them, for completing a project at work, spending free time or starting a new family. We can then add to this paradigm as we learn more about the person, becoming the logistical and emotional support that the person needs. Life is hard, so let's tackle life's challenges together!